Eating the "I"

I love the phrase, Eating the "I." We're constantly eating ego, constantly chewing on, "How does it show up?" I'm much better able to do this than I used to be. I can't always get out of the grip, but I usually ask, O.K., what's my ego doing? What defenses are up? And I'm better at loving myself regardless of what I observe.

Most people interacting with me probably find me much the same as I've always been. The difference is in what happens internally when my patterns come up. I sort for understanding differently. I experience myself differently. I'm more open to my foibles. I'm much more forgiving of myself.


This was brought home to me when talking to a friend with Enneagram style Four who said, "The same old stuff comes up again, and I hate seeing it time after time after time."

These patterns may show up forever. You have to love yourself anyway.

Your old habits won't react as automatically, you'll judge yourself less and less harshly, the struggles won't be as difficult, and you'll be less hooked most of the time. But, for as long as you live, your worldview will still have some influence over your reactions. 

All my resistances, of course, are true to my Enneagram Nine style – to "forget" myself until I was in my thirties, to see myself as my idealized image of "the good girl." In particular, I've become aware of how distractibility can keep me from my own focus. The most important and visible manifestation of my dawning awareness has been to find my own voice and follow it without distraction.

When I Wish, I Blow Bubbles...

In Wishing Well Paul Pearsall drew upon the Hawaiian kahuna (shaman) tradition – that we can wish "well" or "poorly." Sometimes we want a specific outcome so much we find it difficult to surrender to the larger healing.

"Wishing is the enemy of the positive thinker who prides herself on being so strong-willed that there is little need for mysticism or the equanimity of wishing. Wishing is much too passive, gentle, and humble for the needy and power-motivated brain. So in wishing well we let go of needing to be in control, of expecting a specific outcome. We focus on serenity, delight, purpose, meaning, and compassion vs. 'trying' to heal a certain part of the body in a certain way. It involves a kind of easy flow with the cosmos."

This quality is conveyed by one person who said, 'When I wish, I blow bubbles...'" 

Relax, be patient, wish from the heart (vs. the mind), connect lovingly, allow surrender of the self.